The Red Guy Kills Fosters 2
by Kriftonucci
Summary: Dumb sequel, except this time the red guy takes it up a notch! Rated M for Language, Violence, and Sexual Humor [Oneshot]


The Red Guy Kills Fosters 2

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**Jaymon2:** Um, hi everybody, good to see you all again, here's a sequel to probably the most nonsensical thing I've ever made. Don't worry, if you have not read the first one. This one won't confuse you at all.

**Disclaimer:** I beg to differ!

**Jaymon2:** Shut up, man! They don't know you so keep cover!

Anyway, for the record, this piece of info has been on my profile for quite a while now. But for those of you who don't remember, or were just too lazy to check out my profile cause you were slacking your asses off watching Flava of love on television at eight a.m. in the morning while sitting on a couch with some cereal on your-

"GET TO THE POINT!" Yells the red guy annoyed.

**Jaymon2:** Oh, right! Anyways, for those of you who don't know, I'm resigning from writing anymore funny or satire fics. Why? Well lets just say-

I'M TIRED OF WRITING STUFF THAT MAKES PEOPLE LAUGH INSTEAD OF STUFF THAT BRINGS A TEAR TO YOUR EYE OR STUFF THAT PEOPLE ACTUALLY WANT TO FUCKING READ!!! MANY PEOPLE ARE POPULAR CAUSE THEIR FICS ARE TRAGIC AND HEART WARMING! BUT ARE MINES?! NOOOOOOOOO, MINES ONLY MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH, WHICH EVEN THOUGH CAN- OUCH! Someone just shot a freaking dart at my neck! And now…. for some reason…I'm…so…sleepy…………………..

"I had to get him to shut up one way or another!" Said the red guy holding a tranquilizer gun.

"Take him away boys!" Said the red guys while two asylum dudes passed him by and carried the demented author to the "happy institute" ambulance (it even had a smiley face on it)

"Hellooooooooooo everyone, did you miss me? There there, I missed you too. No need to cry for that matter. If you really want to cry, cry for the fact that A Series Of Unfortunate events has now reached the end of its rope, and on July soon, so will Harry Potter, woo hoo!" Said the red guy.

"I understand not many of you bothered to see me in "A Very Dumb Christmas". I would tell you all to go to hell, but my brother is busy at the moment and won't be able to attend to you. Awwww, so sad, tsk tsk." Said the red guy.

"Anyways, unlike the other fics were I posed as the narrator, and the dude who killed that blonde freak, I will be guest starring as a character you might all be familiar with back in the heydays of Cow and Chicken!" Said the red guy as he put on a white and black striped shirt accompanied with a gray hat.

"BEN PANCED!" Said the red guy as and audience nearby cheered.

"WHO INVITED THESE DOPES?" Yelled the red guy, as he took out a bazooka and fired it at that audience.

"Now that that's put aside, ON WITH THE SHOW!" Yelled the red guy

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The day started out as any normal day would in the lovely residence of Fosters. First, Mr. Herriman was filing his complaints onto the whole house:

"Master Blooregard! How many times have I told you to blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH! Yap yap, blah blah, dribble dribble dribble!" Said Mr. H in Bloo's thoughts while just standing there consumed with fatigue.

Second, the yappy version of Pippy Longstalkings (or Goo as she's known) was talking a lot as well:

"OH MY GOSH, MAC! YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE WHAT I JUST SAW ON TELEVISION TODAY! YOU KNOW NICKELBACK? THE BAND HAS SO FAR HAD FIVE HITS THAT REACHED NUMBER ONE ON VH1'S TOP 20 COUNTDOWN, WHICH WERE "YOU REMIND ME" "SOMEDAY" "PHOTOGRAPH" "SAVING ME" AND "FAR AWAY" RIGHT? WELL, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS! REMEMBER WHEN THE ONLY SONG TO DEBUT AT NUMBER ONE WAS "ALL IN MY HEAD" BY TIM MCGRAW AND NELLY? WELL, JUST THIS WEEK, NICKELBACK'S NEW SONG "EVERYONE CARED" BECAME THE SECOND SONG TO DEBUT AT NUMBER ONE! IS THAT NOT THE MOST EXITING THING EVER! IMAGING IF IT STAYED AT THE SPOT LONGER THAN THE DIXIE CHICKS HAVE! OOOOOH, THAT'S GOING TO BE HARD TO BEAT SINCE-"

Well, you get the idea. And yes, Mac too was tired of listening (he just no longer had the guts to yell at her)

Everything seemed to be in worse shape than Star Joan's makeover (and confidence after being kicked out of "The View")

But everything was going to change.

Later that day, a stranger with a black and white stripped shirt and gray hat came towards the house and knocked on the door. Bloo opened it.

"Helloooooooooo there, I'm "Ben Panced"" Said the red guy while grinning oddly.

"I can see that" Replied Bloo while staring tediously at the bareness between the red guy's legs.

"What's your name kid?" Asked Bloo.

"Um, I just said it, I'm "Ben Panced"" Replied the red guy half goaded.

"I know you have, now please tell me your name, or whatever they call you!" Said Bloo.

The red guy ignored him and came in. Once he looked around while standing in the foyer, he finally spotted an office to the right corridor and said "Oh great, maybe now I can meet the head honcho!"

Once he came inside, he saw the place was vacant. Just as he was about to say something, Frankie comes in while saying "All right Bloo, I'll deal with him, just get off my back!"

Upon closing the door, she catches Ben's presence and asks "Hey kid, you "Ben Panced"?"

"(Sigh) Yes, yes I have been-"

"No, I mean is your name "Ben Panced"?" Asked Frankie once more.

"OH JOY! YES I AM! IS THIS FOSTER'S HOME FOR IMAGINARY FRIENDS" Asked the red guy happily.

"Yup, want to get the tour?" Asked Frankie

"Tour de France? No way, that Lance dude can easily kick my-"

"No, the tour around the house!" Said Frankie, trying to keep her cool.

"You mean the white house? That's awesome! I'm surprised you guys allow-"

"No, I mean THIS house!" Said Frankie while panting steaming mad, and appearing to have those little angst veins you see on anime characters when they're pissed off.

"Oh, no thank you, I've heard a lot about this place, and am capable of getting accommodated myself." Said the red guy.

"Great! All you have to do is sign the paper work, and your fini-" But before Frankie could go on, Mr. H enters.

"Miss Frances, I thought I told you to blah the upstairs blah blah and of course continue to blah around every yap yap yap you know can not be seen as dribble!" Said Mr. H.

"I know, but let I have to take care of this imaginary friend first" Replied Frankie while pointing at Ben.

Mr. H looks at him, screams and jumps onto Frankie's arms while saying "AH! THE BLAH BLAH BLAH HAS COME TO BLAH BLAH US ALL!!"

Frankie Lets go of Mr. H and says, "Take a chill pill this is Ben, Ben Panced"

Mr. H straightens his monocle and says "Now Miss Frances, it is rude to address someone as not having pants just for the sake of being funny. Many people including yours truly consider this to be comfortable, and I'm sure that-"

"No, she's not saying I've been Panced, she's saying I AM BEN PANCED! MY NAME!!" Yelled Ben.

"Oh! My mistake. Now I'm assuming you wish to live here, is that right?" Asks Mr. H

"NOOOOOOOO, I just came here to pick up a purse this girl left by accident years ago!" Replied the red guy mockingly.

"Really?" Asked Mr. H with a raised eyebrow.

"Sarcasm is a foreign language to you, isn't it?" Asked the red guy.

Mr. H just stood there remaining clueless for ten seconds, the said "Anyway, if you really are going to stay here, I'll need to find the proper paperwork. In the meantime, go and scurry along the house as you wish. BUT DON'T BREAK ANY RULES!"

"Gotcha!" Replied Ben while heading out.

Once he came out, the first thing he noticed was Bloo, who appeared to be sitting on the steps.

"Aw, what's the matter, little blue guy? Did it disappoint you to have to find out Barry Bonds used steroids?" Asked Ben with his lower lip sticking out.

"Yes, and I'm also sick of not being able to have some fun around the house cause Herrimonster has to kill the fun with his dumb rules. Like I give a shit if the floor was not clean enough to walk on, or if the windows are covered with bacteria guys and stuff!" Replied Bloo.

"I know how you feel," Replied Ben as he sat beside him.

"Back in my days, I had methods of fixing all problems. Perhaps I can be of assistance."

Bloo looked at him, and then asked, "Really, what can you do? Can you use alchemy?"

"No, that would be the Elric brothers. Anyways, the only way my plan will work is with two people, plus they both have to attain a desire they would do anything for, comprende?" Asked Ben.

Bloo thought for a minute. There were not a lot of friends who'd be consumed with that much greed to obtain what they really wanted. But there was two people who he knew liked stuff like cookies and sugar so much, they'd teach a moose how to tap dance just for the savoring pleasure: Mac and Frankie.

"I think I might have the perfect duo, deal!" Said Bloo while shaking Ben's hand.

(Later…)

"All right, Goo. I'd love to hear your tragic story about how Ares dies in the seventh final fantasy, but I have to use the laboratory!" Said Mac as he came into the bathroom and closed the door.

Once he finished doing his business, he came up to the sink to wash his hands.

But once he took hold of the bar of soap, he noticed it felt a bit soft and broke a bit.

"What the?" Asked Mac, as he sniffed kiss hands, licked them a little.

But after licking them, a horrified look came onto his face as he said with discontent "Oh crap, its white chocolate!"

"Must…not…. lose control…must… not…give…into...sugar!" Said Mac on the ground while attempting to fight off his vigorous addiction.

Once he failed to do such, he raised his head up, gave a scary gaze and grin almost similar to a chimera, and slowly muttered "…………..sssssuuuuuuggggggaaaaaaarrrrrrr."

(Somewhere in the kitchen)

"(Sigh), another day, another mess I have to clean up!" Said Frankie as she swept the floor.

Just as she was about to finish, she spots a cookie from a distant side of an opening from the kitchen to the lobby.

Normally, Frankie would have just swept the cookie into the pan, but this was no ordinary cookie.

Frankie soon started to drool. To everyone's dismay, she could tell the difference between an ordinary cookie, and a cookie, MADE BY MADAM FOSTER'S FAMOUS RECIPE!

"You're mine!" said Frankie as she came close to the cookie.

Just as she came near enough, the cookie dodges her for some super naturalistically unknown reason.

"Oh no you don't! Come back here!" Yelled Frankie as she chased the cookie that soon started to dodge its way into the next room.

Once Frankie entered the next room, she saw that the cookie was actually attached to a string, which Ben kept on pulling, only to lead Frankie all the way to where he was.

Just as Ben took hold of the cookie, Bloo came just in the nick of time with Mac appearing to chase him cause of the Twix bar he had on one hand.

"It's all in the mix!" Said Bloo, confidently winking to Ben while Ben reacted with thumbs up.

"I think I'll take it from here, Bloo." Said Ben as Bloo handed Ben the Twix and headed out the room.

Before he utterly left, Bloo asked, "What are you going to do to them?"

"Just wait and see, Bloo!" Replied the red guy while Frankie and Mac kept on dribbling at the cookies as though they were hot celebrities like Jessica Alba or Gerard Way.

"Just wait and see!"

(Later.)

While Bloo was contentedly playing with his Wii (the game console you perverts!), Ben came in and said "My special blue friend, your days of worrying are fini!"

"Cool, but what happened? I still want to know what happened to them" Asks Bloo while putting the control stick aside.

"Well, I told the redhead girl of yours that in order for her to get two cookies, she had to tie up that huge rabbit and, (chuckles) GIVE HIM A SLOW LAP DANCE!" Replied Ben.

(Office)

"Miss Frances? What is the meaning of this? Put your clothes back…..oh……oh yes, thats good, WORK IT! I MEAN! Blah blah blah, yap yap blah, dribble dribble"

(Back With Ben and Bloo)

"Wow, that'll keep that guy quite for a lifetime!" Replied Bloo with wide eyes.

Just as Bloo was going to continue playing, he asks "What about Mac?"

"I told him the same thing, only he had to do it on that uncanny girlfriend of his since she was starting to be sort of annoying." Replied Ben.

(Closet)

"Uh, Mac, why are you taking your shirt off…………and why are you dancing around me as though you were trying to do a spell on me………and why are you also taking your pants…WHOA! MAC PLEASE STOP! I KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING AND I REALLY……………………MMMMmmmmm, actually, I really wish there was a pole in here, OH YEAH! NO UNDIES! TAKE IT OFF MAC, YEAH! This is way better than checkers! And we're definitely not playing pretend!"

(Back With Ben and Bloo (AGAIN!))

"Wow, I bet she'll never talk more than a sentence per second once she's over that!" Said Bloo.

"That's right" Ben replies.

"Wow, Ben, this whole day will turn out to be perfect thanks to you, how can I ever repay you?" Asked Bloo.

"There's this show I want to watch! PLEAAAAASE?" Asked Ben.

"Sure, just unplug the Wii, and it's done!" Said Bloo as he turned of the console, removed the plugs, and Sesame Street went on.

"OOOOoooh, this is even better!" Said Ben as he butt walked towards the sofa, and sat.

"You're kidding, this is a children's show! It doesn't have any violence!" Exclaimed Bloo.

"Yes, but with me around, anything is possible, check this out" replied the red guy, as he snapped his fingers.

Soon, the episode of Sesame Street started to take a new direction:

"Hey girls and boys, today we're going to identify money!" Said Big Bird.

"What is this?" Asked Big Bird while holding up a nickel.

"That's right, it's a nickel!" Said Big Bird after everyone replied.

"What is this?" Asked Big Bird while holding up a dime.

"That's right, it's a dime" Said Big Bird after everyone replied.

"What is this?" Asked Big Bird, in which everyone started to say, "run" for some reason.

"Run? No! This is a quar-" But before Big Bird could finish what he was saying, he saw a young boy with only three hairs behind him holding a gun.

Big Bird opened his beak in amazement and asked,"Hey kid, where'd you come-"

"YOU'RE THE DAMN BIRD WHO STOLE MY QUARTER! I'LL SHOW YOU TO STEAL MY LOOT!" Yelled the kid as he fired the gun, and Big Bird dropped dead within seconds, as blood surrounded his face.

" Here's a message for all you birds and quarter thieves, if any of you ever tries to steal my cash, you'll end up like this sorry ass mother fucker right here!" Claimed Eddy, while pointing to Big Bird's body, and got the quarter then ran off.

(Back with Bloo and Ben)

"Wow! How'd you do that?" Asked Bloo

"It's just a lost episode people didn't deserve to see until now" Replied Ben.

"Wow, I wish there were more people like you, who's "Ben Panced"" Exclaimed Bloo while changing the channel.

"Yup, I'd love to imagine a world who's "Ben Panced"(Chuckles)" Replied Ben.

The End 

**Disclaimer:** For the record, no audiences or Big Birds were harmed in the making of this fan fiction.

"OH SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Yelled the audience and Big Bird, who appeared to have wings and a Halo (except for Big Bird who already had wings, and even more, Halo 3! Which won't even come out until summer 2007!)

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Please Flame me, I deserve it! (Or just read and review!) 


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